How could she? I was only gone for a second. Or was it a year?
A year that felt like a century.
I had been replaced faster than I could blink. I see them together and I feel a sharp pain in my back; red, hot, blood pouring—and I catch a glimpse of a giant silver butcher knife in my back. I swallow my tears and yank out the knife.
But another comes back just as painful as the first. I try to ignore it, but it’s always there hurting me, blinding me, reminding me.
She has a one-track heart. Whatever is the latest hit has her full attention and will never stop playing and replaying through her mind. She loses focus on everything that’s really important.
I told her I’m okay and she believes me. I’m not. I haven’t been since that year. There’s a difference between living and being alive. I don’t want to tell her she’s wrong. She’s the only real friend I have. The only one I can trust. The only friendship where we both are there for each other no matter what.
Maybe I’m not enough—I never was. I love her and I could never let her go. It used to be us against the world. Best friends turned sisters, and now we are… Well I’m not sure.
She’s still a sister to me, but I can’t speak for her. I wonder every day what happened to the girl I used to know, the girl who doesn’t take the easy way out. I miss her with all my heart and soul, but I always am willing to take that knife or even a bullet for her even now. I hope she knows that.