He’s Never Coming Back
19
Getting Older.
Worrying about graduation.
Will my dad be here to see me walk the stage?
Nah!
18
I’m a legal adult.
Going to La Mirage Night Club for the first time.
Still living at home though.
Dad still doesn’t call to see how we are.
17
Mom is diagnosed with kidney failure.
Do I need this to happen to me right now?
No.
My mom is my pride and joy. The reason I wake up every morning.
Dad doesn’t seem to budge to come back.
16
I feel like shit.
Dad calls for money.
What the heck is going through his head?
My mother barely has money to support us.
Should we send him money?
Nah, he can work for himself and his new family.
We no longer matter to him.
15
My quinceanera, July 16, 2011
The day I looked forward to.
Danced all night long.
Felt like a paparazzi, pictures here and there.
The first time I got drunk because of my uncle.
Was my dad there?
No.
Did he call to say Happy Birthday?
No.
Family from Mexico said he got drunk that day because he wasn’t here to celebrate with me.
Did I care?
No.
14
Graduated from Mark Twain Middle School.
Started High School.
It was scary.
Dad wasn’t around to help me with boy problems when I needed him.
Started to hate my family because it was broken apart.
13
Realized Dad wasn’t coming back.
Found out my dad had other children.
Hated all girls who had a dad.
Wished every night and day that my dad could be here.
Got kicked out of class every day during 5th period because I’d argue with Mr. Mazilli.
Spit in his face, talked back, threw objects at him.
I was considered the dean’s best friend.
The lazy no good.
12
Graduated from Broadway Elementary School.
Got a friendship scholarship.
Lost communication with my so-called besties.
Started Middle School.
Met new friends; still friends with them today.
I was a straight A student.
Didn’t hear from the man I was supposed to call dad.
11
Got my period.
Pads so uncomfortable.
Walking like I got a stick up my butt.
Dad wasn’t there to comfort me when I had cramps.
Chest started to hurt because my boobs started to grow.
10
Moved houses.
From the ‘hood to Culver City.
Lost my so-called best friends forever but later gained some.
Became a trouble maker.
Looked forward to every weekend because Dad always called and said, “Mija, te quiero mucho y te extrano.” (Baby, I love you and I miss you.)
9
Made my first communion.
Dad wasn’t there although he promised me.
8
Grandmita Sarah died.
Tears rushed down my face.
Grandmita was my world.
She was the best.
7
Met the best teacher, Mr. Jefferson.
Saw friends walking with their dads to school.
I always wondered if one day my dad would bring me to school.
6
Dad wasn’t coming back.
I miss him.
5
Dad was arrested by immigration border protection because he got caught trying to come to the U.S. illegally.
He served 26 months.
Later deported to Zacatecas, Mexico.
4
I wanted to be the Little Mermaid.
Dad left after my birthday.
3
I was Daddy’s little princess.
He promised never to leave my side.
I’d cuddle with him every night with my LALA Teletubby.
We would go fishing together.
I’d always look through ice in the ocean and all of a sudden a fish would pop up.
I thought I made magic.
2
I was Daddy’s little Barbie who he played dress up with.
1
Baptized in Zacatecas, Mexico.
Learned how to walk by grabbing my dog, Monoifacias’s tail.
Dad was always there to catch me when I fell.
0
Mom realized she was two months pregnant with me.
Dad promised never to leave her side.
He would satisfy her craving.
He’d sing lullabies to her stomach till he fell asleep on her belly.
I’d kick him and he would wake up.
Dear God
Dear God,
Virginia R. Flores is my mother. She seems to bear the weight of the
world on her shoulders, but to carry it more lightly than I think I
would.
I see her balancing dialysis, home, money, no money, and friends who
no longer make time to see her, and I send up this prayer for her.
She is lonely, loving God. She would like company but doesn’t want
her friends to feel sorry for her and also doesn’t want to make time
for new relationships because her waking hours are already full.
She’s a single mother.
She walks when gas is too expensive for the car and doesn’t buy
herself new clothes just so her kids can have food on the table and a
roof over their shoulders.
This is not how her life started out, but circumstances changed from
her life of privilege to this life she embraces so fully.
Her life is difficult and she seems so tired most of the time, but
I’m inspired by the love she has for her children.
Give her strength to put in long hours each day, the ability to
maintain her long loving life at home, and the deepest knowledge in
her heart that you love her.
Please help her remember that you are there for her when she is
feeling sad and help her remember that she has a longer life to live
and that you don’t need her up there yet.
Please God, that’s all I wish for.
Amen.
P.O.P.S. Special Significance to a Student
(Entertainment Editor for "The Oarsman," Venice High newspaper, initially published in March 13, 2015)
Our school has an amazing club called Pain of the Prison System, also known as P.O.P.S. This club means a lot to me because I feel like I am a totally new person, with a whole lot of weight that has been lifted off my chest. Since I joined P.O.P.S., I feel relief.
On March 1, some members from the club, including me, went to read their personal essay to people they didn’t even know at Beyond Baroque on Venice Boulevard. This was an amazing experience because I have never talked about my personal life problems nor have I been able to express my feelings to my mother nor my father. When I speak to both of them, I hide all my pain behind a smile.
Reading my story out loud made me realize that I should always express myself, no matter how hard the situation. Never keep things inside of you that can harm you mentally and physically because there are people out there you can reach out to, who can guide you along the right path.
Thanks to P.O.P.S. sponsor Mr. Danziger and his wife, I was able to share with the world how painful my life has been with an absent father and how I feel about everything and how I go on day by day with that gut feeling that I will never see my father again. He left after I turned 4 and never came back. He got aught twice trying to come into the country illegally and spent several years in jail, and now lives in Zacatecas, Mexico.
I know that there are a lot of teenagers who also suffer from the absence of a parent and end up doing drugs or joining a gang. Instead of all that, you should come and join P.O.P.S. We all support each other and are there for each other through our ups and downs.
This is a very supportive club and you can express yourself freely without having people judge you. I bet there are other teenagers who share the same story as you. P.O.P.S. meets every Wednesday at lunch in Room 120.
I Am
I am a mommy’s girl.
I wonder what my life would be without her.
I hear her say “Mi negrita te quire mucho carbona!”
I see that her love for her kids is unconditional.
I want her to be by my side forever.
I am a mommy’s girl.
I pretend to be an only child knowing that there are four of us.
I feel like the most wonderful/ghetto daughter she could have.
I touch her warm face and kiss her on her cheek.
I worry that one day I will lose my mom due to kidney failure.
I cry when she ends up in the hospital.
I am a mommy’s girl.
I understand that one day my mom will not be there to save me from all
my bad actions.
I say, “I love you too much un chinga.”
I dream that one day I can donate my kidney to her so we can both live a
wonderful life together.
I try to have a positive attitude towards anything I do and accomplish.
I hope to keep my mom with me through my ups and downs.
I am a mommy’s girl.
